Surviving Womanhood #MeToo

It was the first week of 8th grade and I, like the rest of the class, was ready to experience the excitement of the last year in middle school. After all, my friends and I were wearing our best outfits, we were older, and as young ladies our bodies looked more like grown women than little girls. That week I realized what the battle of being a woman was all about. My eighth-grade teacher taught me a valuable lesson – that standing up for respect as a woman comes at a hefty price. This teacher would come up to the young ladies, put his arm around them as they were doing work and get so close that his face would be inches from theirs. One day while at the board answering a question, he came up to me and stood entirely too close with his arm around me, and asked if I needed help. I took a step away from him, and in front of the entire class said, “I rather you not put your arm around me or be that close when you speak to me, it is uncomfortable.” From that day on, I was on the shit list. I was kicked out of class every day for no reason, I was constantly ignored, and was disciplined without motive. The delivery of my message was public, and put him on the spot. However, I was intentional in my delivery because I wanted to be a voice for more than myself.

Fast forward to my first job at a pizza shop; I was 15 years old, answering phones and preparing orders. A male employee cornered me in the basement while I gathered supplies and tried to grope me. | At 17, I worked in an office for a man that greeted me with hugs that were too tight and kisses on my cheek that were too wet. | At 25, my director told me that I should wear a tight dress and lipstick because he was sure the client would like it. There are countless encounters throughout my career where men have looked, attempted to touch, made inappropriate comments, unwanted advances, and mentioned sexual innuendos. They were never welcomed, but to protect my professional place, I had to be careful how I handled it. When I was 15, I yelled at the man and told him never to touch me again, and my manager simply told me to stay away from him. At 17, I told the owner of the company that I did not like the greeting, and in order for me to continue to work for him, I would need a more professional environment. I thought I would lose my job that day, but it was worth the risk. And at 25, I didn’t say a thing, just laughed it off even though I was extremely uncomfortable.

The sad part is that my story is not unique. Many women face this every day. Unfortunately, our culture perpetuates harassment by allowing the advances to prevail. Woman are expected to accept them and move on with their day. Women are left constantly weighing the repercussions of how to respond to an unwanted advance at the risk of their place within a job, relationship, classroom, or community. Young ladies should not be taught that this behavior is acceptable, and it starts with having conversations in school. Both young ladies and young men must be taught to have a level of respect in their communication and have a clear understanding of what sexual harassment looks like and may feel like. For too long, silence has been perceived as acceptance, and as a community, we must no longer be silent. Let’s teach the next generation how to speak up so that sexual harassment is no longer the norm – until no woman has to say, “me too.”

Immigrants and the American Dream: Making America Great Every Day

[Congress is running out of time to save Dreamers via DACA. Immigrants, like several of our contributors, keep America great. Here’s an article from one of our contributors detailing her journey. She’s part of the solution, not the problem.]

Remember when you were seven years old? How carefree and wonderful it was? All you had to worry about was your next sweet treat and perhaps the decision to wear your frilly pink skirt or Spiderman shirt the next day. Now imagine this is your life and you’re abruptly told that in two days you will be leaving for a new life, new country, new experiences, new everything. In that split instance, you know that life will never be the same. After all, you can’t take all of your Barbie’s and accessories on the plane with you to your “new life”.  But, somehow you smile and go about your last two days at school knowing that you will never see your friends and teachers again.  You can’t express your fear, nor tell anyone because migrating north is a secret.  Seventy-two hours later it’s “Goodbye Ecuador, Hello America”. You arrive at JFK, and your search for the “American Dream” begins.  This was me in 1994, and today the search for the “American Dream” continues.  

I remember my first day of elementary school in New York like it was yesterday – mostly because it was the day that I made up my mind that I would be successful.  I sat and stared at a green chalkboard in a classroom where I knew no one and understood nothing.  My new home was a two-bedroom apartment that I shared with nine family members (a drastic change from the beach house I’d spent the last seven years of my life in).  I remember sitting on the top bunk at night and crying, “I’m dying to learn English.”  At only seven years old, it was clear that life would be tough, but I knew that I was tougher.

I attended public schools from the age of 7-17 while being undocumented. I was a typical high school student that played soccer and worked a part-time job.  During my senior year of high school, while everyone debated about majors and what college they would attend, I secretly wished to do the same – but I couldn’t because of my immigration status.  Instead, I pretended not to care about college and repeated over and over, “College is just not for me,” to anyone that asked.  I wonder, how my life would be different – if I would have been on the same playing field and had the same opportunities as everyone else.  If I would have known as a young child that I could have been anything I wanted, what kind of life could I have created for my family? For myself?

Today, I look back on my life and I’m proud of every struggle as well as the prosperous moments.  I actually attended and graduated college, started a family, and currently work as a Director for a non-profit that helps students achieve successful careers.  I wonder where I would be without the struggle of searching for the “American Dream.”  The desire to build something from nothing is what built this country from the ground up.  The desire to succeed, beat the odds, and do the impossible is what created this great nation.  Immigrants bring that desire to this country, and that desire is what will continue to build this great nation.  It is what we should be fighting to have in this country, not push out.  

As we move forward in this post “build the wall” election, I question the motive behind blocking individuals with the passion and desire to succeed.  As an immigrant, I have aspired to be the best contribution to the land I have chosen to live in.  I choose to make MY America a better place, and I choose to do so in the America that molded me into the woman I am today. Those who come to this country in search of the “American Dream” have given up everything in order to achieve success, and if given the opportunity, they will keep America great instead of “Making America Great Again.”

This article was originally published on 3 July 2017.

Cultural Blind Spots

Lack of Diversity = Cultural Negligence

Things that you cannot take back: A stone after it has been thrown, a word once it has been spoken, an offensive ad after it is published, and an audience after cultural negligence. A hooded top with the words “COOLEST MONKEY IN THE JUNGLE” on a black child model is the latest public relations nightmare in the world of advertisement. The international retailer H&M published an on-line advertisement for its U.K. site; however, the tone-deaf and racist ad quickly spread through social media, resulting in H&M pulling it.

The question is, why did “they” not realize the severity of the cultural insensitivity. Are “they” diverse enough to throw a flag on the play of cultural negligence in the room where decisions are made? Furthermore, even if there are a few token diverse voices in the room, is the environment and leadership diverse enough to encourage as well as respect the voice(s) of cultural awareness and inclusion?

H&M is not the only organization that has seen its lack of diversity affect the campaign message in a racially tense era. In 2007, HP depicted a white man in an office with 6 black sprinters in starting positions that appeared to be bowed to their master. In 2017, Nivea had an ad with a tag line “White is Purity”, which white supremacist were happy to retweet. In 2011 and 2017, Dove released ads that were interpreted as blacks using the product to cleanse themselves of their brown skin.

Imagine the impact “they” in the advertising team would have if the group was a true representation of the consumers they target. According to The National center for Education Statistics, in 2014, the number of minority students enrolled in the public schools was 50.3%, making it higher than whites for the first time in U.S. history. As the minority transition to become the majority, companies need to execute a plan to guarantee the right representation at all levels of the organization. If they do not, they will continue to have advertising PR nightmares that lose more patrons than they gain.  H&M released a statement that apologized for offending and stated its commitment to diversity and inclusion. It will be interesting for them to share what their organization diversity numbers are currently, particularly in the advertising department.

According to a U.S. Black Consumer Survey from 2017, 70% of black millennials say they are more likely to buy from a brand that takes a stand on race-related issues. With heightened race tensions in society and constant reminder of opinions and feelings smeared through social media today; what percentage of black millennials would buy from a brand that is tone-deaf to race and negligent to their culture? This segment in the market is one that companies need to capitalize on, not offend. In order to capitalize, companies need to make a conscious effort that starts in the human resource department. The number one priority needs to be an overhaul of hiring practices and retention strategies to attract and retain a diverse talent pool that brings cultural awareness and inclusion. Only then can “they” have the voices in the room to depict an accurate society. “No! This is completely inappropriate and offensive!” is what someone in a diverse and inclusive room would have said when calling a young black boy a monkey was suggested.

Correcting the Department of “Corrections”?

“Wake the f#%k up B!tc#es or y’all ain’t gonna eat sh!t” was the first thing I heard the correction officer scream as she banged on my cell door.  It was my first night in my jail cell and the first of many where I would wonder how to keep my cool and stay positive until I was free again.  Our everyday ritual:  wake up to verbal assaults, eat deplorable food, roam a confined area while avoiding trouble, get locked back into a cell for “count”, return to roaming, and repeat.  Through this daily routine, I mostly stayed quiet and tried to avoid trouble.  Staying out of trouble was hard when there were about 130 women confined into a multi-purpose room.  Not to mention, there were no resources offered to help them deal with whatever issues and actions that led their imprisonment.  “G-Unit” was filled with a few Correction Officers and a variety of inmates-mostly women of color, and a lot of pride, anger, and fear from both groups, just masked in different uniforms.   

When I was first assigned to “G-unit”, I had no idea what to expect.  I soon realized that it was a predator and prey environment, and I was the prey. The new inmates in the unit were deemed as “fresh meat,” and we were hazed by the older inmates. That’s when I was introduced to my predator; I’ll refer to her as Chrissy.  She was 19 years old and had a high-pitched, squeaky voice.  Like prison norm, she tried to intimidate the new inmates with her tough demeanor, but in doing so all of her insecurities were obvious.  We exchanged heavy words on my 2nd day over hot water, but interestingly enough she left me alone when I did not back down.  Chrissy was released and came back just three days later, and from the looks of it she was happy to be back in the place where she had a bed and food. I soon noticed a cycle that was prevalent and would unfortunately continue.   

My cellmate was great example of someone stuck in this cycle, lets call her Tish.  Through hours of talking, I found out that she was a 47-year-old woman who had been in and out of jail since she was 19.  When she was younger she used drugs to cope with some very deep issues, and in her “escape” she found herself in a bad situation with a cop that resulted with her being arrested for the first time.  She was funny, battled with depression, and had found herself in custody a number of times since her first arrest.  

Looking at these two women with almost three decades in age difference, (my predator Chrissy and cellmate Tish) I started to pay attention to the system that does not correct these woman, but instead makes them slaves to the system.  Tish, since her first time in custody, was never thoroughly evaluated nor understood the issues that led to the petty crimes she committed.  Instead, she was locked up and not offered services or resources that could’ve helped her rejoin society and prevent her return.  She could’ve become a productive member to society with a future that wouldn’t have included repeat offenses.  Tish needed help at 19 and she needed it when we shared a cell at 47.  Regrettably, the system was not built to help correct her behaviors or handle the emotions that led to crime.  However, it has provided a space for her to continuously harbor ill feelings and practices that have inevitably led to her prevalent cycle.

The prison system in the Unites States brings in inmates like Chrissy and keeps them like Tish.  The environment promotes complacency with no opportunity to improve.  An inmate like Chrissy has found a place that unlike the outside world will feed, clothe, and provide shelter for her.  It doesn’t teach her how to obtain these things for herself.  Therefore, for her jail is a good option as it gives her what she needs.  On the other hand, it’s a heavy burden on taxpayers, and it doesn’t reap the necessary benefits. Three decades from now, Chrissy and Tish might be cellmates. They’re both caught in the prevalent cycle, and it doesn’t seem like they’ll find their way out of it. The Department of Corrections does not “correct” anything. In fact, it prevents individuals from understanding their underlying issues, addressing those challenges, and changing their behavior and mindset to become productive members of society.  Either we redefine what the “Department of Corrections” looks like, or we change the name to something that is not a lie.