The interracial dating debate is alive and well. Can you be pro-Black and in an interracial relationship? I’ve seen so many pieces on the matter and to be honest, they all make me cringe a little. Some less than others, but there isn’t one post I’ve seen that I could get 100% on board with.
Related: Can Someone Be Pro-Black and Date Someone Who is Not Black?
You see, I’m a Black woman who is married to a European White guy (I distinguish the difference because he makes it a point to do so, but that’s an article for another day). I was raised by a strong Black mother and father who supplied me with the same “you have to be twice as good as your White counterpart to be considered equal” speech that just about all Pro-Black parents give their kids. For college, I only considered going to an HBCU because after seeing my sister’s experience at Spelman, I knew I needed something similar to really understand who I am as a Black woman in America. I say all of that to say that I’ve been conscious my whole life.
Eventually, I met my husband. We were co-workers and friends. I always thought he was such a cool guy and we had so much in common. But never once did I consider the possibility of dating him simply because he wasn’t wrapped in the same brown skin that I have. After two years of knowing each other and him occasionally asking me out and getting turned down, I finally agreed to a date. I figured I’d go watch this movie with him to prove that there could be nothing beyond friendship between us. Now, it’s 10 years later and we’ve been happily married almost 5 years.
After that date, there really wasn’t a choice for me. I knew then that I loved him. I mean, we had already grown a really strong friendship to this point. Getting the opportunity to spend quality time with him alone really showed me that I was cheating myself out of an opportunity. And for what? Because this amazingly caring, funny, handsome, charming man wasn’t born a Black man?
So back to my issue with the think pieces on interracial dating. Of course, there are people who choose to date outside of their race because that’s just their preference. Or maybe they just don’t want to limit themselves to one race and prefer to keep their options open. But for most of us, just like same race couples, we didn’t have a choice about who we fell in love with and that’s what’s missing from so many of these articles I’ve seen. I’m glad so many people were able to contextualize the conversation so well; but honestly, it’s not that deep. The heart wants what the heart wants. When you meet someone and start falling in love with them, race doesn’t matter. I simply followed my heart to happiness and I highly recommend that everyone do the same!
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