Like millions of fans, Kobe’s death affected me more than I thought it would. I didn’t know him, I wasn’t even a Lakers fan, but I respected him greatly. His preparation, his tenacity to compete, and his attention to detail made me root for him even when he was playing against my team.
As a Black male, I found myself in a weird place trying to understand why I couldn’t stop thinking about Kobe and Gianna and the rest of his family who was left behind to cope with his tragic loss. We’re taught at a very young age, directly and indirectly, that showing emotions is a sign of weakness. Under no circumstances do you cry or let others see you cry. But when Kobe died, people witnessed some of the world’s most notable Black men cry and show emotions. It was tough to watch because you could tell many of them tried to hold back the tears, and literally could not. The no crying rule in public had been broken. Sad because a man and his daughter died as well as 7 others in a horrific accident, but beautiful because it humanized Black men in a world that often strips them of their humanity.
Crying is one of the healthiest ways to cope and express emotions. According to WebMD, “Crying releases stress, and therefore is a great practice when it comes to staying mentally healthy.”
But society continues to reinforce that crying, especially in public, is a negative attribute in every way possible. Combined with America’s fascination with sports… we don’t give our athletes time or space to show emotions, to live outside of their respective sport(s); and if you’re an NBA or NFL fan, chances are the subjects of such reinforcement are young Black men.
While the world witnessed notable Black men crying for weeks after the news broke and at the memorial service, they probably didn’t think much of it. But millions of Black men saw those same tears and raw emotions and realized it’s ok to do the same. And that’s a huge win for their long-term mental health, and ultimately their families and communities. I probably won’t immediately start crying the next time I’m hit with tragic news, but if it hits me hard… I now know it’s ok to do so. If WebMD and other studies are correct regarding crying helping our mental health, then by not doing so would do the exact opposite. Compound that by decades and decades of not crying, and you can imagine the negative impact and toll it can take on someone’s mental health and the communities they live in.
Most change isn’t easy, but most change is good, and inevitable.
We all wish Kobe and Gianna were still here. But if through Kobe’s tragic departure millions of Black men can realize that showing emotion is a strength and not a weakness, then Kobe might’ve made his biggest impact of all, and it had nothing to do with basketball.
Thank you, Kobe.
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