Who Will You Be?

by with No Comment CultureFeaturedSocial Issues

For as far back as my hippocampus extends, I have heard the mantra, “I am a product of my environment.” A legion of research has supported the notion contained therein the mantra of the circumstances in which one grows up in can and often does have a major bearing on how the person matures. Personally, I concur; particular actions I have taken were majorly influenced by members of my family I had close contact with. Nonetheless, even though I was privileged to have great paradigms of success as family members, I grew up in an extremely destitute area where the ramifications of poverty were widespread and rampant. Consequently, some of my fellow adolescents propended towards selling drugs; robbing; and other activities a lot of people would consider to be nefarious in context. 

Due to some of the fellow adolescents I am referencing being considered as friends at the time, I had the opportunity to engage in the same activities as they were. Therefore, if the people I am referencing were individuals I liked being around, why did I not spend my time similar to them? Albeit I would be remiss and sheerly ignorant even to say my family members’ impact was not part of the answer to the question, I contend the truest component of why I did not do so is because I knew those actions did not align with the life I desired to live. Thus, the decision I made at that moment of my life was the crux of me being able to live the life I live now. 

That being said, I challenge each reader to gauge the standard of decisions he/she is making. Are the decisions you are making aligned with securing the desires of your heart? If not, please rectify. Often, more important to our success than the skills or knowledge we possess, are the decisions we make. 

Post-Covid: Look to Japan

by with 2 Comments CultureFeatured

During 2008, I signed a small record contract with an Indie Music Label in Yokohama and had the pleasure to perform my first tour in Japan around that time. What I learned then about Japanese culture seemed strange and almost archaic. Now, while living during a pandemic, it makes complete sense to me.

Perhaps Japan, one of the oldest surviving civilizations on the planet (its first settlers came possibly 15,000 years ago), has not only survived its share of pandemics, but also learned from them enough to adopt customs that effectively combat them.

Here are all the customs inherent to Japanese people that seemed strange when I visited, but now seem like remnants of a post-pandemic society:

Bowing…

No kissing like Europeans.
No hugging like Americans.
Not even high fives or fist bumps.
The Japanese did not touch at all, but they were still extremely affectionate in their accepted form of greeting/departing. A longer, deeper bow meant that much more respect or love than a simple head nod.

I saw a young girl recognize my tour manager from across a record store and run full speed right up to him only to stop 5 feet short and bow almost all the way to the ground. It was akin to the biggest hug you ever saw in America.

This custom seemed distant and almost silly, pre-pandemic. Now, as I see friends in safe, outdoor settings and we awkwardly say hi or do a nervous fist bump, I understand how useful it would be to have a universally embraced form of greeting that was both effectively expressive and Covid-safe.

Face masks…

In Japan, I was caught off guard at the airports and walking around Tokyo to see so many face masks – a decade ago! I thought, “are these people horrifically sick? Should I be nervous?”

When I inquired about the custom that was only bothering American me, the response was almost condescending: “They are just sick with a cold or flu and don’t want to spread germs to others. It’s basic consideration.”

Americans seemed to detest the stigma of showing weakness or hiding their face… or maybe they just don’t care about negatively affecting their neighbor?

Whatever the reason for not having this custom pre-pandemic, it would seem the stigma persists as mask-wearing has been a uniquely American political conflict during Covid when it would seem like the easiest way to reduce (not eliminate, mind you) the spread of infection.

Residences Off Limits…

I was surprised when my record label in Yokohama put me up at a hotel instead of staying at a family residence. I was used to sleeping in guest rooms or pull-out couches around the US and UK as a way to save money and also have a sense of “home” or family while abroad. In Ireland, my agent had a guest room that practically felt like mine for how many nights I had stayed there on multiple tours.

But in Japan, residences were sacred and I was not welcome in anyone’s home. I thought it had to do with privacy, but in a Covid world, I wonder if it had more to do with germs. Americans were used to constant visitors from friends and family before the pandemic, but that has drastically changed to be much closer to pre-pandemic Japan with little to no guests now.

Of these 3 Japanese customs, I would be very happy to see bowing and face masks become a permanent part of American life. I would, however, be very sad to lose frequent and numerous guests in my home as that is my most regrettable loss this past year. I miss family and friends visiting, holding my children, singing songs, and sharing a moment of affection in this brief, precarious existence.

Similar Read: It’s Time to Bow

A Note to Those Nervous About the Holidays

by with No Comment FeaturedGen Z

If the thought of seeing your family around the holidays makes you nervous, you’re not alone. As the political Black Sheep in my family, I understand what it’s like to spend time around people you love, but entirely disagree with. Mixing differing political beliefs with family love can be a very difficult crossroads to be stuck at. They’re your family and you love them and don’t want to fight, but political beliefs can have strong feelings behind them. So what do you do? How do you push past your differences and share in the joy of the holiday season?

After the 2016 election, my mother tried to incite a “no politics” rule for holiday dinner conversation. However, rules like that are easy to say but harder to follow. If your family is anything like mine, political conversation is basically inevitable. So how do you deal with it? When I was younger I would try to fight back. I would get angry and upset, which naturally only made things worse. It’s hard to bite your tongue when you hear things you disagree with so strongly, but after a while I learned that fighting back would only add fuel to the fire. I quickly realized I was outnumbered and no matter what I said or how I worded it, there was no winning for me.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, my best suggestion is to find someone else to talk to. Whether you find someone who agrees with you or even just someone who doesn’t want to talk politics, whoever you find will help you feel a little less alone. For me, this person is my brother. Although he has learned to stay quiet like I have, even just having someone to shoot a glance at when you hear something you don’t agree with goes a long way.

Another tactic you can employ is changing the subject when the conversation gets too heated. During the holidays my mother tries her best to cut off any political conversation as soon as it starts, that way it never even has the chance to escalate. Political conversations can easily turn into fights. If you can redirect the conversation before it even begins, then there’s no fight to have to diffuse later.

 The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy and happiness surrounded by loved ones. Talking politics may make for an interesting debate, but the subject can be very touchy and can easily take a turn for the worst. The important thing to remember is that regardless of what you say, people are very unlikely to actually change their opinions. So why cause yourself the stress? Talking politics during the holidays is far more likely to lead to a fight rather than a productive conversation. Save everyone the hassle and leave the politics at the door so everyone can have an enjoyable holiday season. 

This article was originally published on 12 December 2018.