Posts tagged: sexual abuse

[Balance is the goal of this article, not division, or an attempt to go easy on a millionaire who has been accused of and admitted to sexual misconduct. People want to put everyone in one of two bins, and it’s not always that simple.] 

The current Women’s movement promoting equal rights, equal pay, and an abolition of sexual abuse/harassment is unquestionably good and long overdue. Women are uniting to win elections, overturn sexist laws, and now publicly destroy powerful Men who are guilty of the most vile and sexist offenses.

This battle will not be won by simply bringing down the bad guys. This battle can only be won when our collective society changes its behavior, its words, and its tone. 

I remember when “fag” was a regular part of the American Language – used as an insult. Obviously, the insult was that being “gay” or “homosexual” is a terrible thing to be, so “fag” was equivalent to calling someone terrible.

The movement to end the stigmatization of the LGBTQ community required that “fag” be dropped from colloquial usage. I remember this transition. Really good, non-homophobic people had to retrain themselves NOT to say “fag” as it had become so pervasive a word that even LGBTQ people used it derogatorily at times.

Monkey see, monkey do. We are a very imitative species. So, when Men are trained to aggressively pursue Women by their fathers, by the media, by their own primal urges, and often by Women themselves (50 Shades of Gray), it means that Men will not easily be retrained into the modern Gentleman that currently Progressives demand.

Is this any excuse for rape? Sexual abuse? Using power to coerce Women (and Men as did Kevin Spacey) into compromising situations?

NO. Inarguably, NO!

But as we clarify the lines of sexual engagement in the 21st Century, let us all be very clear about the nuances of these situations and what is at stake. When we take down criminals or bad actors to shift the status quo towards a more enlightened society, let us be sure the collateral damage is minimal. Let us use a very specific brush to address villainy and not such a wide brush that every Man (and some Women) are swept into the mix, subject to irreversible, debilitating public shame and scrutiny, regardless of the severity of their misconduct.

Because: not every sexual misconduct is exactly as terrible as the next. For instance, a Man who aggressively pursues a phone number at a bar is not as terrible as a Man who stalks, beats, and rapes a Woman. Furthermore, a Man who gropes a Woman’s genitals without consent is worse than a Man who asks a Woman if he can masturbate in front of her and then does not proceed to do so when he is denied permission. 

So, let’s address Louis C.K. and the damning New York Times article that just came out alleging he sexually abused 5 Women over a decade ago (which he has since admitted to). Louis C.K.’s entire career now seems doomed because of his actions, but only if his actions are unforgivable and his behavior unchanged.

From his response letter, it’s clear that he knows what he did was wrong. He also clearly stated why he was wrong, why he mistakenly thought he was justified at the time of the misconducts ten years ago (all the Women either gave consent or rejected his offer to masturbate in front of them at which time he ended his pursuit), and why it was wrong that his manager tried to suppress the accusations just to keep their business aspirations undamaged.

Although this admission of guilt and the ensuing apology does not absolve him, Louis C.K. has handled this situation the way we hope every person accused of wrongdoing would handle it: by admitting the guilt, apologizing, and trying to make amends.

Should he be let off the hook entirely? Clearly, no. Should he be banished from the art world and public society forever because he pursued sexual fetishes with Women he misread? That will be up to the personal sense of justice from every individual who reads about Louis C.K.’s behavior and his recent response letter.

Some might want Louie to go down in flames for these misconducts.

Some might see his actions as mistakes that deserve condemnation, but not crucifixion.

Some might not see anything wrong with what he did at all (Trump is still our President after all and has admitted to doing much worse – physically and sexually assaulting Women without consent – and he’s still the President).

I realize this is a sensitive issue for many and that taking any kind of position which might cast favorable light on a Man that has admitted to sexual abuse (even if not as severe as Weinstein or Spacey or Trump) could elicit a negative reaction, but I implore all Women and Men to try and see everything as clearly and unbiased as possible.

Louis C.K. has been recognized as a powerful ally to Women over the past ten years since his misconducts, but these revelations to the public in this current amplified climate all but assure that he will be ineffective as such moving forward.

Can we accept Louis C.K.’s apology and let him continue to have a voice in artistic and moral discussions moving forward? Once again, it’s up to you and your own personal sense of justice.