Women’s Rights (and Kavanaugh Hearing)

by with One Comment CultureFeatured

Christine Blasey Ford had to reveal herself and now the U.S. Senators, who were prepared to vote on Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, are all of a sudden rethinking their decision.  According to reports, Senators received an anonymous letter months ago detailing sexual assault allegations from Ford, but because her name was not revealed her allegations didn’t go far. 

We are in the #MeToo movement where anonymity is no more.  A woman is not believed unless her story can be polygraphed and verified, which hers was.  But what does this scenario say about the government’s ability to allow a man accused of sexual assault to get confirmed for a lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court and possibly vote to overturn Roe v. Wade?

As a woman this is simply disturbing.  What’s most disturbing is learning that members of the committee were in acknowledgement about the allegations and prepared to vote on his confirmation and only after her identity was revealed, heads are rolling. 

A quick trip down memory lane will remind you that Kavanaugh is the same judge who attempted to block an immigrant woman from obtaining an abortion.  Even though it was HER body and HER right to choose, he tried to infringe upon her right by pushing his decision further and further out in an attempt to make it harder for her to terminate her pregnancy. Ultimately, she was able to move forward despite his acts.

But what does this one case state about his ability to rule justly on behalf of women?  Currently, the U.S. Supreme Court is made up of five men and three women, with one vacancy looming. If Kavanaugh is confirmed the court will have six men and three women.  The court will make decisions about issues that affect women without enough voices by women to weigh in on the decision.  Such is with lawmaking.  Women are left out of many narratives simply because they aren’t present in the room.  In states where women make up more than half of the population men overwhelmingly represent the state in legislatures and on Capitol Hill.

For Kavanaugh, delaying and/or stopping his nomination would be a victory for anyone who cares about women’s reproductive rights. But what does it say about our Senate Judiciary leaders who had this information and did not act on it? What will this narrative mean for the next woman who wants to ‘accuse’ a powerful man of sexual assault? 

Women have to think about their careers, families, and even their safety above their healing and ability to move on from traumatic life events. After all, this is how women are socialized to deal with sexual assault – it’s her fault and she should feel guilty for coming forward to ‘out’ a man.

When our country takes women’s sexual allegations as serious as supposed public outcry about patriotism and NFL players kneeling, then maybe our country can get to the gender parity we deserve.  Until then, we will never know why members of the Senate Judiciary Committee decided to move forward on a critical vote ahead of Ford revealing her identity. But what we do know is victims have to relive trauma in public, and no one is legislating that. 

Is Sexism Inevitable?

by with No Comment Uncategorized

Cat-calling. Body shaming. Objectification. Anti-feminism. Being a woman in America can be a daily stressor. America, from its inception, has been a sexist and patriarchal country. Forget the standard pressures of balancing school, work, and your personal life. The mere fact you have two X chromosomes means you are subject to certain unnecessary stressors, such as harassment and hyper-sexualization.

From the time a girl is born, society puts limits on her in terms of what she can or cannot do according to her gender. While little boys are encouraged to be wild and explorative, little girls are told to sit and play. And while the little girls are sitting and playing nice, today’s media bombards them with constant images of the “perfect” body, usually in a tight and/or barely-there outfit to highlight every physical asset possible. Little girls learn quickly that much of their worth is determined by their dress size, bra size, and how they rank on the pretty scale of 1 to 10. By the time they reach adolescence the double standard for women has been reinforced, and every day is a constant reminder of their inferiority to men.

When I was in middle school, I remember wanting to join the basketball team at my small private school. I was tall for my age, over 5 feet, when most students my age (boys included) were only 4 foot-something. Unfortunately, instead of being allowed to try out for the basketball team, I was told basketball was for boys and I should join the cheerleading team.

When I was in high school, I remember the day I went to career counseling. I told my guidance counselor I wanted to be an engineer or astrophysicist working at NASA. Her response was, “Ok, but let’s look at other options as well because those aren’t fields women typically do well in.”

When I was in college, I was raped. Like most victims of sexual assault, I did not report it – not to the police or my parents. I knew the system was against me as a woman and I did not want to be humiliated or shamed. Unfortunately in America, when a woman says she is a victim of sexual assault, she is questioned. What did you do? Are you sure? How was it rape if you didn’t fight back? Women are blamed by men and other women for what they were wearing, where they were going, etc., for an action she did not ask for or consent to. When women blame other women for their rape(s); or as in my case end up dating your rapist on top of calling you a liar; it is especially painful.

When I was in my mid-twenties I was working on the corporate side of healthcare. I remember trying to offer ideas in business meetings, but apparently, no one heard me. I decided to assert myself even more as I had seen my male counterparts do. However, when I took that initiative I was labeled as too loud and bossy, and when I complained about the unfair labels I was told I was too emotional. I remember many of my ideas being shot down only to be later suggested as my boss’ original thoughts. 

Now I am over thirty and my womanhood is frequently questioned because I am unmarried with no kids. If a woman at this stage in life gives the slightest impression she enjoys sex, she fears being labeled in a negative way (i.e. she’s a “hoe”, she’s “loose,” etc.), though men are rarely labeled “hoes” for their assumed promiscuity. Whenever I do marry and decide to have kids it will be a battle to get adequate maternity leave.

Most women can relate to similar if not worse situations of sexism and unnecessary stressors during these phases of their life.

The problem with how women are viewed and treated in American society can partially be blamed on women as well. Some women help keep the negative female connotations going by condoning negative male behavior. When President Trump was campaigning and his “locker room talk” about grabbing women by the pussy was leaked, many women dismissed his negative behavior and still voted for him. Daily, I see women tear each other down rather than build each other up, and add negative rhetoric about how a woman should or should not act.

I could go on for days describing the hypocrisies and everyday nuisances of being a woman in America. However, the question I really want an answer to is when will the blame game stop, and when will men start taking responsibilities for their actions? When will men start calling out other men when they do offensive things to women? When will we truly advance from this patriarchal, chauvinistic society?

It looks like times are starting to change. I guess better late than never.

The Second Sexual Revolution

by with 2 Comments Uncategorized

[It took me less than an hour to write this article, but it took me weeks to get the courage.]

In the last few months, dozens of powerful men in entertainment, news, politics, and business have been accused of sexual misconduct from women – and men – who, for their own reasons, stayed silent until now. The result has been earth-shattering; public condemnation, and the loss of their lucrative positions. For some, but not all.

We now live in a fractured sexual culture. On one hand, powerful men are toppled like so many dominos by companies who supported them and ignored their actions for years. On the other hand, some seem impervious to consequences of the accusations. Even when several accusers speak up. Even when proof is provided. The reason for this is that they have an army of staff and supporters who are willing to parrot the accused’s assertion that these women are lying, and have ulterior motives for doing so. Chief among them is our own POTUS, who doesn’t simply accuse the women of lying about the accusations; he is saying they are liars. In my mind, that’s a big difference. Just like with the press, he is attempting to devalue and villainize these women – another form of sexual misconduct.

Questioning the motives of the accusers and the timing of these accusations are completely missing the point. Having been a target of sexual harassment, unwanted advances, and even assault, I can tell you my own motives for keeping silent:

I knew that no one would listen.

I knew that I could lose my job.

I knew that could be blamed for the assault myself.

I knew that no one would believe me.

My own mother didn’t believe me when I told her I had been raped. If my own mother wouldn’t believe me, who would?

We still live in that culture, even as a mere handful of high-profile men are removed from their positions of power. This is a drop in the bucket. Sexual harassment, unwanted advances, and rape happens every day. Every 98 seconds, someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted. That means that each year, more than 321,000 people age 12 and older are victims of assault. More than 880 people. Every. Single. Day. A high percentage of these assaults are by someone the victim knows – an employer, a co-worker, a lover or spouse, a respected celebrity or cultural icon with a squeaky-clean reputation.  And these statistics are only a small part of the real story. Multitudes more victims do not speak out for fear of victim-shaming or reprisal.

I think what we really need to question are the motives of the companies, political parties, military groups and studios that turned a blind eye, willfully ignored, or outright accepted as part of the culture, who let those powerful men get away with this behavior for years – even decades.

I believe that we’re at a turning point in this country. A second sexual revolution. As more men and women shine a light on their own experiences, others will be emboldened to do so as well. This is not as much about pointing fingers as it is validation. And as more victims step forward, the power will be taken away from those who abuse it.

The future doesn’t have to look like the past.