The Second Sexual Revolution

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[It took me less than an hour to write this article, but it took me weeks to get the courage.]

In the last few months, dozens of powerful men in entertainment, news, politics, and business have been accused of sexual misconduct from women – and men – who, for their own reasons, stayed silent until now. The result has been earth-shattering; public condemnation, and the loss of their lucrative positions. For some, but not all.

We now live in a fractured sexual culture. On one hand, powerful men are toppled like so many dominos by companies who supported them and ignored their actions for years. On the other hand, some seem impervious to consequences of the accusations. Even when several accusers speak up. Even when proof is provided. The reason for this is that they have an army of staff and supporters who are willing to parrot the accused’s assertion that these women are lying, and have ulterior motives for doing so. Chief among them is our own POTUS, who doesn’t simply accuse the women of lying about the accusations; he is saying they are liars. In my mind, that’s a big difference. Just like with the press, he is attempting to devalue and villainize these women – another form of sexual misconduct.

Questioning the motives of the accusers and the timing of these accusations are completely missing the point. Having been a target of sexual harassment, unwanted advances, and even assault, I can tell you my own motives for keeping silent:

I knew that no one would listen.

I knew that I could lose my job.

I knew that could be blamed for the assault myself.

I knew that no one would believe me.

My own mother didn’t believe me when I told her I had been raped. If my own mother wouldn’t believe me, who would?

We still live in that culture, even as a mere handful of high-profile men are removed from their positions of power. This is a drop in the bucket. Sexual harassment, unwanted advances, and rape happens every day. Every 98 seconds, someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted. That means that each year, more than 321,000 people age 12 and older are victims of assault. More than 880 people. Every. Single. Day. A high percentage of these assaults are by someone the victim knows – an employer, a co-worker, a lover or spouse, a respected celebrity or cultural icon with a squeaky-clean reputation.  And these statistics are only a small part of the real story. Multitudes more victims do not speak out for fear of victim-shaming or reprisal.

I think what we really need to question are the motives of the companies, political parties, military groups and studios that turned a blind eye, willfully ignored, or outright accepted as part of the culture, who let those powerful men get away with this behavior for years – even decades.

I believe that we’re at a turning point in this country. A second sexual revolution. As more men and women shine a light on their own experiences, others will be emboldened to do so as well. This is not as much about pointing fingers as it is validation. And as more victims step forward, the power will be taken away from those who abuse it.

The future doesn’t have to look like the past. 

Model Citizen or Not, You Can Win in Alabama

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Tonight’s results of the special Senate election in Alabama will set an exciting stage moving forward. Not only will this have regional implications in the home state of Alabama, but it will also have enormous national consequences for President Trump and both political parties. After a weird and childish campaign run by Roy Moore, voters have been left confused and exhausted by all the allegations, predictions, and media coverage of the election. 

Even though he has been hit with allegations of sexual misconduct with underage women, if he is victorious, it will illustrate the growing limitations of Democrats in the significantly conservative South. On the other hand, a win by his rival Doug Jones would shrink Republicans’ Senate advantage to a single seat, finally putting their majority in action. 

President Trump, who not so surprisingly gave Roy Moore his full-throated endorsement, yet again tweeted his support on Tuesday morning: “Roy Moore will always vote with us.”

For Doug Jones to steal a win in this election he will need high turnout from black, urban and suburban white voters. Oddly enough, Roy Moore, who rode his horse to the polls, (literally), will need support from rural white voters.

How this election plays out will have many ripple effects. If men in power can have accusations thrown at them from all different angles and still find a way to sway people into believing they can make a positive difference in our country, we are truly in trouble.  

When you decide to run for office, regardless of the rank and title, your first job is to be a model citizen. You are there to LEAD your constituents to a better and brighter future, based on your SOUND judgment. It is sickening that after everything that has come to light regarding Roy Moore, people still find him fit for office. 

Louis C.K…. Forgive or Forget?

by with 2 Comments CultureFeatured
[Balance is the goal of this article, not division, or an attempt to go easy on a millionaire who has been accused of and admitted to sexual misconduct. People want to put everyone in one of two bins, and it’s not always that simple.] 
The current Women’s movement promoting equal rights, equal pay, and an abolition of sexual abuse/harassment is unquestionably good and long overdue. Women are uniting to win elections, overturn sexist laws, and now publicly destroy powerful Men who are guilty of the most vile and sexist offenses.
This battle will not be won by simply bringing down the bad guys. This battle can only be won when our collective society changes its behavior, its words, and its tone. 
I remember when “fag” was a regular part of the American Language – used as an insult. Obviously, the insult was that being “gay” or “homosexual” is a terrible thing to be, so “fag” was equivalent to calling someone terrible.
The movement to end the stigmatization of the LGBTQ community required that “fag” be dropped from colloquial usage. I remember this transition. Really good, non-homophobic people had to retrain themselves NOT to say “fag” as it had become so pervasive a word that even LGBTQ people used it derogatorily at times.
Monkey see, monkey do. We are a very imitative species. So, when Men are trained to aggressively pursue Women by their fathers, by the media, by their own primal urges, and often by Women themselves (50 Shades of Gray), it means that Men will not easily be retrained into the modern Gentleman that currently Progressives demand.
Is this any excuse for rape? Sexual abuse? Using power to coerce Women (and Men as did Kevin Spacey) into compromising situations?
NO. Inarguably, NO!
But as we clarify the lines of sexual engagement in the 21st Century, let us all be very clear about the nuances of these situations and what is at stake. When we take down criminals or bad actors to shift the status quo towards a more enlightened society, let us be sure the collateral damage is minimal. Let us use a very specific brush to address villainy and not such a wide brush that every Man (and some Women) are swept into the mix, subject to irreversible, debilitating public shame and scrutiny, regardless of the severity of their misconduct.
Because: not every sexual misconduct is exactly as terrible as the next. For instance, a Man who aggressively pursues a phone number at a bar is not as terrible as a Man who stalks, beats, and rapes a Woman. Furthermore, a Man who gropes a Woman’s genitals without consent is worse than a Man who asks a Woman if he can masturbate in front of her and then does not proceed to do so when he is denied permission. 
So, let’s address Louis C.K. and the damning New York Times article that just came out alleging he sexually abused 5 Women over a decade ago (which he has since admitted to). Louis C.K.’s entire career now seems doomed because of his actions, but only if his actions are unforgivable and his behavior unchanged.
From his response letter, it’s clear that he knows what he did was wrong. He also clearly stated why he was wrong, why he mistakenly thought he was justified at the time of the misconducts ten years ago (all the Women either gave consent or rejected his offer to masturbate in front of them at which time he ended his pursuit), and why it was wrong that his manager tried to suppress the accusations just to keep their business aspirations undamaged.
Although this admission of guilt and the ensuing apology does not absolve him, Louis C.K. has handled this situation the way we hope every person accused of wrongdoing would handle it: by admitting the guilt, apologizing, and trying to make amends.
Should he be let off the hook entirely? Clearly, no. Should he be banished from the art world and public society forever because he pursued sexual fetishes with Women he misread? That will be up to the personal sense of justice from every individual who reads about Louis C.K.’s behavior and his recent response letter.
Some might want Louie to go down in flames for these misconducts.
Some might see his actions as mistakes that deserve condemnation, but not crucifixion.
Some might not see anything wrong with what he did at all (Trump is still our President after all and has admitted to doing much worse – physically and sexually assaulting Women without consent – and he’s still the President).
I realize this is a sensitive issue for many and that taking any kind of position which might cast favorable light on a Man that has admitted to sexual abuse (even if not as severe as Weinstein or Spacey or Trump) could elicit a negative reaction, but I implore all Women and Men to try and see everything as clearly and unbiased as possible.
Louis C.K. has been recognized as a powerful ally to Women over the past ten years since his misconducts, but these revelations to the public in this current amplified climate all but assure that he will be ineffective as such moving forward.
Can we accept Louis C.K.’s apology and let him continue to have a voice in artistic and moral discussions moving forward? Once again, it’s up to you and your own personal sense of justice.