Posts tagged: sexuality

As the news of the Alabama abortion ban reached my ears, I got shivers down my entire body. A body that I own, that I cherish–most days at least–, a body I now realize that some men think doesn’t actually belong to me.

Back in the Middle Ages, men were actually convinced women, dripping blood once a month, were the incarnation of Satan, orgasms were a devilish force men were warned not to release and the uterus was held responsible for every strange ailment women seemed to be so prone to displaying, such as… sadness. You would think people in 2019 know better. You would be mistaken then.

By denying women the right to own their bodies and to decide whether or not they feel ready to bring a child into this world, these men bring us back to these dark ages of ignorance and cruel patriarchy. By excluding rape and incest as valid reasons to deny women, and unfortunately sometimes girls, the right to overcome nature and make a rational decision, these men show how little they know about women, abortion and health. By implementing the heartbeat rule, they demonstrate their lack of awareness of basic biology. Unless you’ve been trying for a baby and are taking pregnancy tests regularly, or have a very regular cycle, 6 weeks is often the moment the pregnancy is discovered. I was 8 weeks pregnant when my gynecologist told me there was no heartbeat. After enduring a very traumatic surgical procedure to clear my uterus, as I was crying my heart out my (male) therapist told me, “You haven’t lost a baby. You’ve lost a fetus.” So it’s fine to rationalize when nature takes its course, but not when a woman takes control of her body? I never went back to this therapist. To this day, it remains one of the most unacceptable things I’ve been told because when you deeply want a baby, or when you get pregnant and feel ready to be a mother, the baby is not only in your belly, but also in your head, in your dreams, in your future.

On the other hand, when the pregnancy is not wanted or can’t be carried out willingly, it turns into a nightmare or a haunting dilemma. What should be taken into account is the potential wreckage of two lives, maybe more, compared to the benefits of constraining a woman to give birth. By refusing to acknowledge most women seeking abortions, especially in searing-poor areas and countries, are victims, and will probably struggle to come to terms with what they had to do, these men confirm that they, in fact, are not men: they are self-entitled idiots with bigotry-caked brains. Sadly, one of them was elected president of the United States, and rallied his peers, swarming over progress like maggots over an open wound. By refusing to accept that men are responsible for their own bodies as well perpetuates a supremacy based on one thing, and one thing only: the medieval fear of women.

Whether a rapist needs a knife, a gun or his hands around a woman’s neck to gain access to her genitals, whether an uncle or a family friend need threats and promises to convince a little girl not to tell anyone that they share a very special secret, whether a husband or boyfriend refuses the use of contraception or press for one more child, whether any religious leader or authority pretends that birth control is against His law, they are all committing the same act of violence against the very beings on whose existence our survival depends. Contraception does not always work, doctors are sometimes wrong, timing may not be adequate, and these are only a tiny portion of the reasons that may lead a woman to end a pregnancy. And you can take my word that any woman who had to undergo this is somehow scarred. Even if she knows there was nothing else she could do. The pro-life argument has to be about the woman in the first place, and empowering girls, giving them the assurance they can choose what is best for them, providing easy and safe access to contraception, ensuring both boys and girls get adequate sex-ed and the right talks on consent, mutual respect and dignity is the only way abortion numbers will fall. Criminalizing abortions will result in tragic deaths, suicides or illegal abortions. Angel makers will operate in backrooms at the cost of human lives, again.

Actress Alyssa Milano suggested a sex strike. What if tomorrow women decided to go on reproductive strike? What if the access to a woman’s reproductive organs were denied indefinitely? What if women decided to force vasectomy on all men by passing a bill stating that males don’t know what they’re doing with themselves and need to be put under strict control, without exception? Or what if we decided to offer these men the Godly mission of caring for all those abandoned children waiting for parents in orphanages? After all, that would solve so many problems, all at once. I have never, ever, heard of a place where men abide by women’s decisions regarding their sexuality. I wish such a place didn’t exist, to be honest. Because the only person who is allowed to make decisions regarding their body and organic functions is the person who lives in that body. Women need to stick together and fight back against this retrograde oppression. And if there’s one thing that is even more unbelievable than a bunch of male politicians imposing such a senseless decision in order to “protect life”, it is women sharing their point of view.

At some point in my life, I had to make the hardest decision of all. I did get an abortion. My doctor had told me there was no way I would ever get pregnant without strong medication. I had already had a miscarriage, so after years of infertility, it felt as if nature was playing the cruelest trick on me. With a future father who chickened out of the picture as fast and sneakily as he could, a family who was appalled at the situation and studies to complete, my choice was the rational one. I was not going to make so many people, including an innocent child, suffer. I still think about it when I look at my beautiful sons, who wouldn’t have been born if I hadn’t made this heartbreaking decision back then. Nurses, doctors, anesthesiologists, counsellors… they were all sorry for me and knew how lonely and desperate I was. A few years later, I sought advice and group therapy helped a lot to appease my grief and guilt. I’m glad and proud to say that in Switzerland, there are measures to protect women who seek such procedures, which are performed in hospitals or private clinics (abortion clinics don’t exist) and paid for by health insurance, and no one is hurling abuse at women entering these facilities to make them suffer through their “walk of shame.” If there were, I’d take my sons and my students there to teach them about dignity, freedom and solidarity.