Surviving R. Kelly… You Knew And Said Nothing?

by with 4 Comments CultureFeatured

Surviving R. Kelly aired last week. A 6-part documentary that shook the country and had everyone talking. The details shared in the documentary were tragic, infuriating, and triggering from many victims of sexual abuse… physical, sexual, and mental abuse, isolationism, starving, total control, and complete brainwashing. Whether the documentary was good is up for debate, but it did allow these victims and survivors to tell their story, and that is and should be the most important takeaway. 

Let’s assume everyone has heard of his predatory and sexual abuse allegations over the years. But when he surprisingly beat his case, and released instant classics like Ignition (Remix) and Step in the Name of Love, many of us let go of the allegations in favor of his music catalog, which inevitably continued to fund his sickness. That’s a hard truth, because while the outrage from seeing the documentary is genuine, it’s 10-20 years too late, and because of it dozens if not hundreds of more young girls were likely abused. 

Black children, Black young women, deserve better… from society, and specifically everyone who was in contact with Robert Kelly and witnessed his behavior… from his managers, assistants, producers, label-mates, other artists, Sparkle, close friends, many of these girls parents who thought their daughter was the next Whitney Houston and despite knowing Robert’s past believed he could help their daughter reach stardom, everyone of-age who witnessed such behavior at parties and decided not to speak up, and so on… over 30 years, that list is long.

Numerous people in the documentary mentioned seeing or knowing of him visiting Kenwood High School as a grown man. You were cool with that? You knew he had a bed in the middle of his studio and witnessed young girls constantly around him and at the studio, some as young as 12-years-old, and you were cool with that? Yes, clearly you were because you continued to let it happen. Shame on you and your lack of morals and courage. 

Robert Kelly directly and indirectly fed and supported a lot of people through his ingenious music ability, and unfortunately, that was more important to them than the safety and protection of these girls. Even Sparkle, who witnessed his activity over decades including the slave-like treatment of his ex-wife Andrea Kelly, thought it was a good idea to introduce her niece to him in hopes of her making it big. Epic fail; she ended up being one of the victims filmed on the infamous sex-tape, excuse me child pornography, that was leaked and seen by millions.

They all deserve to go to jail. 

In a society where criminal injustice and institutional racism is evident at every corner, we must ask ourselves… if these girls were White, would Robert still be abusing girls today? Would he be a free man and up to last year still booking shows and writing music for other mainstream artists? 

Robert Kelly is apparently not doing too well financially. And movements of protest to stop his shows and digital streams are finally beginning to gain traction. 

While many are frustrated and searching for answers, some, on the other hand, are blaming the victims, giving excuses, and attempting to justify Robert Kelly’s nearly 30-year run of abusing minors. These girls weren’t fast nor were they chasing stardom and therefore deserved such abuse. They were taken advantage of by a predator and a lot of adults willingly let it happen. That simple. There are Robert Kelly’s all around us. If you know one, if you see one, or if you know a victim who might be in a similar situation, speak up and try to assist. There is no amount of money or friendship strong enough to allow the abuse of a minor.

Historic Kavanaugh Hearing… The LCR Responds…

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Yesterday (9/27/18) was a historic day in American politics with the Brett Kavanaugh and Dr. Christine Blasey Ford hearings. We asked four of our contributors, 3 Independents, 1 Left, and 1 Right, to weigh in and here’s what they had to say…

“It’s so easy to claim, “Why didn’t you say anything before,” “Why did it take you so long?,”  or “What are you afraid of?” Christine Blasey Ford provides an answer to all these idiotic questions. It’s easy to forget that the moment someone speaks out about their experience, pain, and assault, they are instantly thrown into the spotlight. Their entire life is put on display and all the trolls and goblins come out to play. Anyone and everyone who wants to take a jab at someone who has been brave enough to speak out is shut down by mongrels whose sole job is to belittle and verbally destroy them because they can. It’s a tragedy to think that so many women are subjected to this treatment, and only a few will ever get to tell their story.” – Independent Asian Inquisitor 

 

“Republicans want a Conservative on the court of course, but why THIS one? In more civil times, an honorable man would remove himself from consideration for fear that such controversy would damage the institution. Gorsuch was confirmed without any of this kind of disgraceful spectacle. Republicans should vote “No” on Brett Kavanaugh.” – Stoic Troubadour

 

To believe or not to believe. This is the current question US Senators face as they debate on the confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh becoming the next Supreme Court Justice. The recent allegations have made the Senate hearings even more contentious and partisan. My only say, with any sexual allegation, is that there’s a reason why accusers come forward… about Kavanaugh, Weinstein, Cosby, and a whole host of other high profile male celebrities. There’s a reason why it’s been them vs those who’ve never been implicated on such allegations. – Independent Texan Male

 

“During Dr. Christine Ford’s testimony, when asked why she came forward, she said she did so out of civic duty. It’s quite appalling to me she is one of so few people operating under any obligation of civic duty. Meanwhile, we’ve got people like Senator Orrin Hatch saying things like, “In other words, she’s pleasing”, while making a point about how articulate and attractive Dr. Ford is as a witness. My question is, when will more of these elected officials begin operating with a sense of civic duty? One that upholds more than just centuries worth of patriarchy.” – Center Left HR 

 

Two believable people gave both sides reason not to change course – and I don’t think many people changed their minds. Most people are just angrier that others did not. I fear this could change the nature of the MeToo movement. It’s easy to demonize Weinstein – a gross, obnoxious wealthy man we only sort of know who was preying on beautiful celebrities we love. Trump was elected in part because Scalia passed. If believing costs you the change to the Supreme Court that made you vote for this President (despite his many other difficult traits), many of those people just need their agenda now. The pendulum had perhaps swung too far in blurring the line between supporting victims and demonizing accusers without corroboration. This may return the pendulum too far the other way… or just as damaging… create two hardened camps that are both 100% sure. – Right Army Veteran

Do you agree with any of our perspectives?

Women’s Rights (and Kavanaugh Hearing)

by with One Comment CultureFeatured

Christine Blasey Ford had to reveal herself and now the U.S. Senators, who were prepared to vote on Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, are all of a sudden rethinking their decision.  According to reports, Senators received an anonymous letter months ago detailing sexual assault allegations from Ford, but because her name was not revealed her allegations didn’t go far. 

We are in the #MeToo movement where anonymity is no more.  A woman is not believed unless her story can be polygraphed and verified, which hers was.  But what does this scenario say about the government’s ability to allow a man accused of sexual assault to get confirmed for a lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court and possibly vote to overturn Roe v. Wade?

As a woman this is simply disturbing.  What’s most disturbing is learning that members of the committee were in acknowledgement about the allegations and prepared to vote on his confirmation and only after her identity was revealed, heads are rolling. 

A quick trip down memory lane will remind you that Kavanaugh is the same judge who attempted to block an immigrant woman from obtaining an abortion.  Even though it was HER body and HER right to choose, he tried to infringe upon her right by pushing his decision further and further out in an attempt to make it harder for her to terminate her pregnancy. Ultimately, she was able to move forward despite his acts.

But what does this one case state about his ability to rule justly on behalf of women?  Currently, the U.S. Supreme Court is made up of five men and three women, with one vacancy looming. If Kavanaugh is confirmed the court will have six men and three women.  The court will make decisions about issues that affect women without enough voices by women to weigh in on the decision.  Such is with lawmaking.  Women are left out of many narratives simply because they aren’t present in the room.  In states where women make up more than half of the population men overwhelmingly represent the state in legislatures and on Capitol Hill.

For Kavanaugh, delaying and/or stopping his nomination would be a victory for anyone who cares about women’s reproductive rights. But what does it say about our Senate Judiciary leaders who had this information and did not act on it? What will this narrative mean for the next woman who wants to ‘accuse’ a powerful man of sexual assault? 

Women have to think about their careers, families, and even their safety above their healing and ability to move on from traumatic life events. After all, this is how women are socialized to deal with sexual assault – it’s her fault and she should feel guilty for coming forward to ‘out’ a man.

When our country takes women’s sexual allegations as serious as supposed public outcry about patriotism and NFL players kneeling, then maybe our country can get to the gender parity we deserve.  Until then, we will never know why members of the Senate Judiciary Committee decided to move forward on a critical vote ahead of Ford revealing her identity. But what we do know is victims have to relive trauma in public, and no one is legislating that. 

Turning Blind Eye to Corruption in Criminal Justice System

by with No Comment FeaturedGen Z

“Corrupt cop” seems less like an oxymoron and more like the average American law enforcement officer nowadays. Despite 2018 being the year of exposés of sexual predators in Hollywood, music production, and government, it is unlikely for normal people who hold positions of authority to have their unethical behavior exposed, let alone be fired. Sexual offenders are being exposed and condemned left and right, but criminal justice offenders are being given empty warnings and paychecks.

In the criminal justice system, spotlight cases like those of Meek Mill help shine a light on the injustices that can occur when the traditional power structure hasn’t been or isn’t able to be challenged. Meek was arrested by Philadelphia police officer Reginald Graham in 2007 who then testified against him during trial in 2008 convicting the rapper of drug charges. Despite Meek’s arrest and conviction, the credibility of Graham was questioned during the case as he is a resident on a District Attorney’s Office list of “police officers with clouded credibility.” Not only was Graham’s credibility questioned; but two officers, Walker and Gibson, who were operating under Graham at the time of the arrest, were arrested in 2014 for federal corruption charges and in 2015 for robbing a suspect, respectively. 

Whether or not this clouded credibility affected Meek’s arrest leading to his conviction is unclear, but the fact that the District Attorney keeps a list of corrupt cops is insulting to the freedom and fairness that Philadelphians and Americans across the country deserve. Why do we allow incompetent evil people to run our country by their own accord with no repercussions or push back? Acknowledging the unethical behavior of an officer who carries a gun designed to kill anyone who doesn’t comply and can decide the fate of citizen’s lives is shocking. 

Even more shocking, there are hundreds of cases like these that occur under the radar of the media. Infamous tales of those like Chicago cop Ronald Watts have been widely known in small communities where everyone is familiar with the injustice of the criminal justice system as well as the person who brings the injustice. Notwithstanding the common knowledge of corruption in this community in Chicago, it took until 2018 when Watts had already retired for 32 of his convictions to be thrown out. Although this seems like a well-deserved victory for those working on the Exoneration Project, there is still a need for the examination of approximately 500 convictions Watts made from 2004-2012 alone.

Similar to fairy tales and folklore there are always warnings of the bad men to stay away from, but you never hear about betrayal by someone who is supposed to protect and help grow the community they are a part of. Many Americans are fighting back and not letting this be the story that future generations will grow up listening to. There are many opportunities to right the wrongs done in this world by injustice, and it can start with holding people in positions of power accountable for their actions.

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References:

Gonnerman, Jennifer. (2018). How One Woman’s Fight to Save Her Family Helped Lead to a Mass Exoneration. The New Yorker, May 28, 2018 issue.

Mitchell, Max. (2018). Stakes Rise for Meek Mill as Post-Conviction Hearing Is Set to Open. The Legal Intelligencer, June 15, 2018. 

You Have Failed Your Goddesses

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A close friend of mine emailed me an article this morning with a simple statement in the subject line, “This is crazy.” It was about the third rape incident in a week involving another teenage girl who was sexually assaulted and burned alive.

She was molested in her own home by a man who then doused her in petrol and set her on fire when she threatened to tell her family about the incident. What makes this terrible story even worse and fills me with rage and disgust is that one of the perpetrators who was arrested is her cousin.

Each woman is a Goddess in her own right. Songs are dedicated to them, stories and poems of bravery, courage, and love are written about them, and wars have been fought over them.

Women are the very foundation of our civilization; yet, for some unknown reason, we do not or perhaps will not acknowledge their worth or humanity.

No country in this world shows its lack of respect and disvalue for women more than India. There are 28 Goddesses in Hinduism, 28 powerful female entities that incorporate every known emotion and ability – from love and guidance to vengeance and wrath.

Millions of people in India as well as around the world worship them and go to unbelievable lengths to show their devotion and reverence, but for some inexplicable reason that admiration and respect does not transfer to the women that live within the Indian population.

Where and When did India fail its women? Well for starters, there is a strong possibility the female fetus will be aborted because of the stigma that women are a burden to the family, and that they cannot earn or inherit their family’s property and wealth like a male heir can. Moreover, baby girls are killed after birth, leading to a ridiculously skewed sex ratio. Those who survive this horrible rite of passage then face discrimination, prejudice, violence, and in extreme cases face neglect all their lives, regardless of being single or married.

TrustLaw, a news platform run by Thomson Reuters, has ranked India as the worst G20 nation for women to live. Their ranking is astounding, considering the fact that the leader of the ruling party, the speaker of the lower house of parliament, at least three chief ministers, and many sports, entertainment, and business icons in India are women.

In 2016, there were roughly 40,000 reported cases of rape in India. The majority of victims range between 16-30, and disturbingly enough 94% of the victims knew their offenders. Neighbors account for a third of the offenses, while parents and other relatives range of that scale as well. Today, India’s Capital Territory, Delhi, alone accounts for nearly 17% of the total number of rape cases in the country.

What makes this problem even more infuriating is that it is not just the act of rape, but kidnappings, abductions, killings, mutilations, acid attacks, and fire attacks as well. This type of violence can be related to disputes over dowry payments, human trafficking, rejection, and pure jealousy.

Research conducted by economists Siwan Anderson and Debraj Ray estimates that in any given year, nearly two million women go missing. Additionally, the economists learned that roughly 12% of the women disappear at birth, 25% die in childhood, 18% at reproductive ages, and 45% go missing at older ages.

Analysts claim that because the country is deeply entrenched in patriarchy and widespread misogyny, the attitude towards women is a reflection of that. Personally, I find that to be a cop-out and a pathetic excuse to allow these horrible acts of cruelty and violence to continue.

When a person commits a crime and the punishment is a slap on the wrist, how can we expect anything to change? How can we expect the men of India to do better? How can we expect them to appreciate women when the government itself is so incompetent and ridiculously slow to provide proper protection for women and harsher punishments for those who believe it is in their right to violate, rape, murder, burn, and molest at will?

This may sound like a rant, and you’re right, it is. I am one voice in a sea of millions of other voices lost on the ears of those who can do something but choose to do nothing. When will things in India change? When the nation as a whole realize that its most valuable treasure is not its history, or its temples, forts, tech hubs, or palaces; but its women.

How India decides to treat its women will determine India’s image to the rest of the world, and if they are worth the blessings and gifts their ancient Gods and GODDESSES bestow upon them.

Subscribe for free and read more international pieces from Left Center Right by clicking here: LCR

Protect This House [By Any Means Necessary]

by with One Comment Sports

“If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.” – Desmond Tutu 

The recent scandal involving the repeated sexual abuse of more than 160 women at the hands of Larry Nassar is nothing short of appalling. He has been sentenced to 40-175 years in prison, in addition to a 60-year sentence that he is already serving for possessing child pornography. His actions are undeniably atrocious; however, such abuse at this level could not have occurred without the complicity of several people in high places. We cannot forget the institution and individuals and who were aware of this abuse and took deliberate action to ignore and conceal crucial information about not only Nassar’s sexual abuse, but other cases as well.

While he was employed at Michigan State, Nassar was reported several times to multiple individuals. In most cases, the victims were ignored or told to keep quiet. This wasn’t just gymnastics. Athletic administrators at Michigan State attempted to keep all sexual misconduct involving staff or student-athletes “in-house,” thus minimizing their paper trail and the potential for the media to publicize faults. There were numerous cases where their student-athletes were accused and convicted of sexual misconduct; but the athletic department withheld files, removed names, and took other actions to ensure that they were not portrayed in a negative light. As a result, the victims’ accusations were not addressed. Their athletic department made it clear that protecting the reputation of the program was their top priority, as well as their staff and athletes – not the victims and their safety.

[ESPN] Outside the Lines: Michigan State Secrets Extend Far Beyond Larry Nassar Case

Michigan State’s president and athletic director resigned shortly after much of this information came out. Since then, there have been talks of other administrators and coaches potentially being fired for knowing about the repeated abuse and not taking action.

While it is important to hold the perpetrators of the crimes accountable, it is also extremely important to punish those who were aware of these crimes and chose not to act. It is clear that victims were ignored by several members of the athletic and university administration over several decades. The administrators’ inexcusable lack of action allowed the abuse to continue and claim more victims. 

When compared to the incidents of massive abuse involving the athletic departments at Penn State and Baylor, it can be argued that Michigan State is at greater fault considering the number of administrators that knew and chose to do nothing. There were more Michigan State administrators and coaches aware of abuse, and there were clear and deliberate measures taken to hide vital information from essential personnel. There were calls for the death penalty in the cases of both Penn State and Baylor. Although neither program received such a sanction, I strongly believe it should be applied in this case.

What is the death penalty?

However, that probably won’t happen. Michigan State’s basketball team is currently ranked #2 in the country. As the NCAA Tournament (March Madness) gets closer and every analyst predicts them to make another Final Four under Coach Tom Izzo, it seems like the scandal and ongoing investigations get less and less coverage. That’s unfortunate for the victims and says a lot about and where our priorities lie as a society. [We’ve got work to do.]

Do you think Michigan State’s athletic department should receive the death penalty?

Nice Guys Finish Last

by with 3 Comments CultureFeatured

The #metoo movement is neglecting something in their current crusade:

Historically, nice guys finish last.

The men that the #metoo women endorse: the kind, patient, never aggressive, never instigating, never accosting, never touching without permission, always considerate type of man… he is often taught (by WOMEN) that he is a loser in the race to naturally select, procreate, find a mate, and… get laid!

In my own life, I remember three separate occasions when my “nice guy” approach lost to the complete antithesis of the #metoo movement.

For what it’s worth, I’ve never made an inappropriate advance on a woman. It’s mostly because I have a low sex drive/libido and my Mother was violently insistent on treating women with respect and NOT having sex until marriage (I still did, mind you, but it always took weeks if not months after the first kiss… I was very “slow”).

But I remember the girl I fell for in 8th Grade kind of liked me and almost agreed to “go with me” (my only tactic being polite, respectful conversation over the course of 6 months). That is until the hot, cool guy made a move on her and, without hesitation, she consented to a sex act in the computer room. A week earlier, she had FINALLY agreed to dance with me at the school dance for the greatest three minutes of my adolescence.

I was heartbroken. My most aggressive intention was a kiss. Holding hands would have been pure bliss. But she was overwhelmed by confidence, good looks, and Darwinian impulses that brought her in an instant to her first sexual activity with a boy who she had never really gotten to know and who cared nothing for her… but he was a really popular, handsome, confident guy.

I don’t blame her. I could have been more confident at that age and yet still a gentleman. I was kind of a wimp in 8th Grade and wimpiness is not attractive. I once overheard a girl say “I don’t know how any girl would ever find him attractive. He’s such a loser.” I was nice, but weak. For some reason, strong guys are often assholes, but sexual impulses are millions of years old. Our bodies demand that we pursue the mate that will give our offspring the best genes and greatest chance of survival. Historically, that means the strongest, bravest, and most confident.

Anyhow, in high school, I “courted” a girl for two years. My heart belonged to her and she really seemed to like me, but that didn’t stop her from giving a blowjob to the confident guy that could dance better than me and was über machismo. They started dating. After he cheated on her, she asked me to prom and we dated for two years. It was a really great relationship and I learned not to be jealous of a girl, more accurately a woman, who was just figuring out what she liked.

In college, the girl I liked more than anyone I’d met in my life kept me in the friend zone for eight years before we dated. In that time, she was raped once and date raped twice while drunk by really confident, fun guy-friends whom she had trusted. It was heartbreaking.

I thought I was the perfect guy in regard to behavior, respect, boundaries, and patience. I was almost NEVER rewarded for my good behavior until I married my wife: the most perfect woman I have ever met who lets me know each day how much she appreciates the way I treat and respect her.

But I was playing the long game and I won. How many men lost in this approach? How many men lost time and again to “cavemen” like these current sex offenders in politics and entertainment that are going down in flames?

If there are awful men who still adhere to aggressive, inconsiderate, animal-kingdom norms in pursuit of finding a sexual mate, there are surely awful women as well who have encouraged their behavior.

I’m not victim blaming, I’m not excusing any men for their behavior, and I’m not taking an inch away from the #metoo movement that is so sorely needed to advance our species forward. But I am asking that for every father that must educate his son on how to properly treat another woman (or man), there must also be a mother who teaches her daughter how to properly treat or react to another man (or woman) such that the wrong behavior is not accepted or tolerated.

Young women, if properly educated, can help shape the behavior of young men by only reacting positively to the behavior that #metoo wishes to propagate. Otherwise, who will the young men believe? The adults telling them to act with respect and empathy? Or the beautiful young lady who only gratifies the romantic desires of machismo, caveman aggressors?

In short, behavior is formed in our adolescence. Ladies, it would help us gentlemen if you would please do your part in endorsing better men so that only the best behavior is accepted and continued.

Continue the discussion: Contributor Response

Surviving Womanhood #MeToo

by with One Comment Uncategorized

It was the first week of 8th grade and I, like the rest of the class, was ready to experience the excitement of the last year in middle school. After all, my friends and I were wearing our best outfits, we were older, and as young ladies our bodies looked more like grown women than little girls. That week I realized what the battle of being a woman was all about. My eighth-grade teacher taught me a valuable lesson – that standing up for respect as a woman comes at a hefty price. This teacher would come up to the young ladies, put his arm around them as they were doing work and get so close that his face would be inches from theirs. One day while at the board answering a question, he came up to me and stood entirely too close with his arm around me, and asked if I needed help. I took a step away from him, and in front of the entire class said, “I rather you not put your arm around me or be that close when you speak to me, it is uncomfortable.” From that day on, I was on the shit list. I was kicked out of class every day for no reason, I was constantly ignored, and was disciplined without motive. The delivery of my message was public, and put him on the spot. However, I was intentional in my delivery because I wanted to be a voice for more than myself.

Fast forward to my first job at a pizza shop; I was 15 years old, answering phones and preparing orders. A male employee cornered me in the basement while I gathered supplies and tried to grope me. | At 17, I worked in an office for a man that greeted me with hugs that were too tight and kisses on my cheek that were too wet. | At 25, my director told me that I should wear a tight dress and lipstick because he was sure the client would like it. There are countless encounters throughout my career where men have looked, attempted to touch, made inappropriate comments, unwanted advances, and mentioned sexual innuendos. They were never welcomed, but to protect my professional place, I had to be careful how I handled it. When I was 15, I yelled at the man and told him never to touch me again, and my manager simply told me to stay away from him. At 17, I told the owner of the company that I did not like the greeting, and in order for me to continue to work for him, I would need a more professional environment. I thought I would lose my job that day, but it was worth the risk. And at 25, I didn’t say a thing, just laughed it off even though I was extremely uncomfortable.

The sad part is that my story is not unique. Many women face this every day. Unfortunately, our culture perpetuates harassment by allowing the advances to prevail. Woman are expected to accept them and move on with their day. Women are left constantly weighing the repercussions of how to respond to an unwanted advance at the risk of their place within a job, relationship, classroom, or community. Young ladies should not be taught that this behavior is acceptable, and it starts with having conversations in school. Both young ladies and young men must be taught to have a level of respect in their communication and have a clear understanding of what sexual harassment looks like and may feel like. For too long, silence has been perceived as acceptance, and as a community, we must no longer be silent. Let’s teach the next generation how to speak up so that sexual harassment is no longer the norm – until no woman has to say, “me too.”

Is Sexism Inevitable?

by with No Comment Uncategorized

Cat-calling. Body shaming. Objectification. Anti-feminism. Being a woman in America can be a daily stressor. America, from its inception, has been a sexist and patriarchal country. Forget the standard pressures of balancing school, work, and your personal life. The mere fact you have two X chromosomes means you are subject to certain unnecessary stressors, such as harassment and hyper-sexualization.

From the time a girl is born, society puts limits on her in terms of what she can or cannot do according to her gender. While little boys are encouraged to be wild and explorative, little girls are told to sit and play. And while the little girls are sitting and playing nice, today’s media bombards them with constant images of the “perfect” body, usually in a tight and/or barely-there outfit to highlight every physical asset possible. Little girls learn quickly that much of their worth is determined by their dress size, bra size, and how they rank on the pretty scale of 1 to 10. By the time they reach adolescence the double standard for women has been reinforced, and every day is a constant reminder of their inferiority to men.

When I was in middle school, I remember wanting to join the basketball team at my small private school. I was tall for my age, over 5 feet, when most students my age (boys included) were only 4 foot-something. Unfortunately, instead of being allowed to try out for the basketball team, I was told basketball was for boys and I should join the cheerleading team.

When I was in high school, I remember the day I went to career counseling. I told my guidance counselor I wanted to be an engineer or astrophysicist working at NASA. Her response was, “Ok, but let’s look at other options as well because those aren’t fields women typically do well in.”

When I was in college, I was raped. Like most victims of sexual assault, I did not report it – not to the police or my parents. I knew the system was against me as a woman and I did not want to be humiliated or shamed. Unfortunately in America, when a woman says she is a victim of sexual assault, she is questioned. What did you do? Are you sure? How was it rape if you didn’t fight back? Women are blamed by men and other women for what they were wearing, where they were going, etc., for an action she did not ask for or consent to. When women blame other women for their rape(s); or as in my case end up dating your rapist on top of calling you a liar; it is especially painful.

When I was in my mid-twenties I was working on the corporate side of healthcare. I remember trying to offer ideas in business meetings, but apparently, no one heard me. I decided to assert myself even more as I had seen my male counterparts do. However, when I took that initiative I was labeled as too loud and bossy, and when I complained about the unfair labels I was told I was too emotional. I remember many of my ideas being shot down only to be later suggested as my boss’ original thoughts. 

Now I am over thirty and my womanhood is frequently questioned because I am unmarried with no kids. If a woman at this stage in life gives the slightest impression she enjoys sex, she fears being labeled in a negative way (i.e. she’s a “hoe”, she’s “loose,” etc.), though men are rarely labeled “hoes” for their assumed promiscuity. Whenever I do marry and decide to have kids it will be a battle to get adequate maternity leave.

Most women can relate to similar if not worse situations of sexism and unnecessary stressors during these phases of their life.

The problem with how women are viewed and treated in American society can partially be blamed on women as well. Some women help keep the negative female connotations going by condoning negative male behavior. When President Trump was campaigning and his “locker room talk” about grabbing women by the pussy was leaked, many women dismissed his negative behavior and still voted for him. Daily, I see women tear each other down rather than build each other up, and add negative rhetoric about how a woman should or should not act.

I could go on for days describing the hypocrisies and everyday nuisances of being a woman in America. However, the question I really want an answer to is when will the blame game stop, and when will men start taking responsibilities for their actions? When will men start calling out other men when they do offensive things to women? When will we truly advance from this patriarchal, chauvinistic society?

It looks like times are starting to change. I guess better late than never.

The Second Sexual Revolution

by with 2 Comments Uncategorized

[It took me less than an hour to write this article, but it took me weeks to get the courage.]

In the last few months, dozens of powerful men in entertainment, news, politics, and business have been accused of sexual misconduct from women – and men – who, for their own reasons, stayed silent until now. The result has been earth-shattering; public condemnation, and the loss of their lucrative positions. For some, but not all.

We now live in a fractured sexual culture. On one hand, powerful men are toppled like so many dominos by companies who supported them and ignored their actions for years. On the other hand, some seem impervious to consequences of the accusations. Even when several accusers speak up. Even when proof is provided. The reason for this is that they have an army of staff and supporters who are willing to parrot the accused’s assertion that these women are lying, and have ulterior motives for doing so. Chief among them is our own POTUS, who doesn’t simply accuse the women of lying about the accusations; he is saying they are liars. In my mind, that’s a big difference. Just like with the press, he is attempting to devalue and villainize these women – another form of sexual misconduct.

Questioning the motives of the accusers and the timing of these accusations are completely missing the point. Having been a target of sexual harassment, unwanted advances, and even assault, I can tell you my own motives for keeping silent:

I knew that no one would listen.

I knew that I could lose my job.

I knew that could be blamed for the assault myself.

I knew that no one would believe me.

My own mother didn’t believe me when I told her I had been raped. If my own mother wouldn’t believe me, who would?

We still live in that culture, even as a mere handful of high-profile men are removed from their positions of power. This is a drop in the bucket. Sexual harassment, unwanted advances, and rape happens every day. Every 98 seconds, someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted. That means that each year, more than 321,000 people age 12 and older are victims of assault. More than 880 people. Every. Single. Day. A high percentage of these assaults are by someone the victim knows – an employer, a co-worker, a lover or spouse, a respected celebrity or cultural icon with a squeaky-clean reputation.  And these statistics are only a small part of the real story. Multitudes more victims do not speak out for fear of victim-shaming or reprisal.

I think what we really need to question are the motives of the companies, political parties, military groups and studios that turned a blind eye, willfully ignored, or outright accepted as part of the culture, who let those powerful men get away with this behavior for years – even decades.

I believe that we’re at a turning point in this country. A second sexual revolution. As more men and women shine a light on their own experiences, others will be emboldened to do so as well. This is not as much about pointing fingers as it is validation. And as more victims step forward, the power will be taken away from those who abuse it.

The future doesn’t have to look like the past.