It was the first week of 8th grade and I, like the rest of the class, was ready to experience the excitement of the last year in middle school. After all, my friends and I were wearing our best outfits, we were older, and as young ladies our bodies looked more like grown women than little girls. That week I realized what the battle of being a woman was all about. My eighth-grade teacher taught me a valuable lesson – that standing up for respect as a woman comes at a hefty price. This teacher would come up to the young ladies, put his arm around them as they were doing work and get so close that his face would be inches from theirs. One day while at the board answering a question, he came up to me and stood entirely too close with his arm around me, and asked if I needed help. I took a step away from him, and in front of the entire class said, “I rather you not put your arm around me or be that close when you speak to me, it is uncomfortable.” From that day on, I was on the shit list. I was kicked out of class every day for no reason, I was constantly ignored, and was disciplined without motive. The delivery of my message was public, and put him on the spot. However, I was intentional in my delivery because I wanted to be a voice for more than myself.
Fast forward to my first job at a pizza shop; I was 15 years old, answering phones and preparing orders. A male employee cornered me in the basement while I gathered supplies and tried to grope me. | At 17, I worked in an office for a man that greeted me with hugs that were too tight and kisses on my cheek that were too wet. | At 25, my director told me that I should wear a tight dress and lipstick because he was sure the client would like it. There are countless encounters throughout my career where men have looked, attempted to touch, made inappropriate comments, unwanted advances, and mentioned sexual innuendos. They were never welcomed, but to protect my professional place, I had to be careful how I handled it. When I was 15, I yelled at the man and told him never to touch me again, and my manager simply told me to stay away from him. At 17, I told the owner of the company that I did not like the greeting, and in order for me to continue to work for him, I would need a more professional environment. I thought I would lose my job that day, but it was worth the risk. And at 25, I didn’t say a thing, just laughed it off even though I was extremely uncomfortable.
The sad part is that my story is not unique. Many women face this every day. Unfortunately, our culture perpetuates harassment by allowing the advances to prevail. Woman are expected to accept them and move on with their day. Women are left constantly weighing the repercussions of how to respond to an unwanted advance at the risk of their place within a job, relationship, classroom, or community. Young ladies should not be taught that this behavior is acceptable, and it starts with having conversations in school. Both young ladies and young men must be taught to have a level of respect in their communication and have a clear understanding of what sexual harassment looks like and may feel like. For too long, silence has been perceived as acceptance, and as a community, we must no longer be silent. Let’s teach the next generation how to speak up so that sexual harassment is no longer the norm – until no woman has to say, “me too.”